The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Review
Man, was I not looking forward to this review. Not because I
hate discussing Peter Jackson’s Middle Earth saga. Hell, I could probably send everyone else to sleep discussing how perfectly these films, especially the Lord
of the Rings trilogy, showcase the greatness that can be achieved by giving a
quite possibly crazy person a massive project and the budget to let him do
whatever he bloody-well wants. Here’s the problem: The Battle of the Five
Armies is a massively flawed movie with very little in the way of narrative
structure or cohesion. Yet, I walked out of the screening with tears in my
eyes, a smile on my face and an urge to rave about it. Unfortunately, I’m a
film critic, or at least that’s what they tell me. So, as much as I’d like to
tell this is one of the year’s finest films, that simply wouldn’t be
true.
Picking up directly after Desolation of Smaug, The Battle of
the Five Armies is the culmination of the epic (and somewhat unnecessary)
trilogy adapted from JRRR Tolkein’s 300-page tale of hobbits, dwarves, elves
and Billy Connelly riding a CGI pig. Apparently. Having defeated the nefarious
dragon Smaug, dwarf king Thorin is slowly becoming corrupted by his copious
amount of gold. Meanwhile, Bard The Bowman (yes, that’s actually his name) must
salvage the ruin of his people’s hometown. The film also follows Thranduil the
woodlen elf king and his son Legolas, who teams up with Tauriel to uncover the
orcs’ (led by Azog and Bolg). Witnessing all this is the titular Hobbit, Bilbo
Baggins and are you confused yet? This really is a film that assumes you’ve
seen all the other instalments. There is very little in the way of superfluous
exposition or world-building. Director/writer Peter Jackson has made a film
strictly for those who enjoy his Middle Earth films. I obviously have no
problem with this, given that I adore these movies, it will do nothing
to win over sceptics.
The performances are what ground this enjoyably ridiculous
fantasy, most notably Martin Freeman and Richard Armitage as Bilbo and Thorin.
Their friendship is truly palpable, making Thorin’s fall from grace all the
more effective. Oh, and Freeman easily has the best walk in the business. Lee
Pace and Luke Evans both give surprisingly nuanced performances as Thranduil
and Bard. Rounding out the massive cast are Orlando Boom and Evangeline Lily as
Legolas and TaurieI, along with minor roles for greats such as Ian McKellen,
Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving and a 92-year-old Christopher Lee. Along
with the snapy pacing, the script excellently presents a real dilemma: do we
route for the rational peace-keepers or the dwarves we’ve grown to love over
the last two movies? This refusal to mark anyone as wholly good or evil (or at
least until the orcs appear to wreak havoc because reasons) makes this far more
intelligent than the often clear cut conflicts of its predecessors.
Jackson is one of the finest visual storytellers of our time
and the 45-minute battle of the title is perhaps his finest achievement to
date. At least, it would be, if he hadn’t forgot to include the main characters
until 15 minutes in. Those first 15 minutes, whilst visual stunning, are
rendered emotionally inert by not featuring any of the characters with names/discernible personalities. I mean, even Azog (the main villain) is watching from
afar whilst his pawns enact his dirty work. The later stages of the climax more
than make up for this terrible creative decision with what could well be the
most emotionally involving (pretentious word incoming) denouements (I warned you) I've ever seen in an action movie.
There are other distracting quibbles along the way. Whoever
decided that Legolas should be the most over-powered badass of all time should
be fired (preferably with a gun). Any threat towards him becomes utterly meaningless
when you know he can perform a Mortal Kombat finishing move and move on. His
fight scenes are the equivalent of watching your friend stepping on an ant, if
that ant was a 7-foot-tall CGI orc. The opening action scene is grossly
underwhelming and rather hard to follow. Smaug gets approximately 5 lines in
the entire movie! I’m not kidding; the main antagonist of the last film has
fewer lines than Bard’s blank slate daughter.
This may sound like a pretty negative review, but let me
reassure you: I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Is it a great film? Not even
close. Is it a highly entertaining, emotionally resonant and subtly political
(in terms of the power of greed and the distrust and maltreatment of the poor
by the enormously wealthy) film that had me wiping away tears three times?
Definitely. Jackson doesn’t try to gain new fans, he aims for the ones he
already has. And that’s perfectly fine by me.
Five-Word Verdict: Go to the toilet beforehand
Score: 3.5/5*
*3/5 if you are not a Middle Earth fan
